How it begins ~ by Casaundra Hope

I was 19 years old 
with 2 kids in tow 
My eyes full of tears 
knowing I had to go

He’d shove me and push me 
careful not to bruise
Held me down for his needs 
like a doll to be used

“Where will you go?”
He’d scream
knowing i was trapped
I wasn't allowed to hold money 
so my sources were capped

Barefoot and pregnant 
is all that you’ll be
A sorry piece of shit 
meant to serve only me

Now clean up the house 
and make me a meal 
Keep going on
and try not to feel

I want a divorce
I’d say voice cracking
Go on, try to leave me 
go on, get to packing

You’ll never survive
you’ll live in a van
Cause a woman can't live 
without a man

Who’ll watch the kids
as you make five bucks to my ten 
They will eat up your paycheck 
you’ll come running back then

Im already pregnant
with kid number three
This one will come to give me 
a strength that I’ll need

When she’s born I will get 
my tubes tied that same day 
I wont give him another chance 
to force me to stay

Your too young says the doc
you have to be 21
this procedure can not be undone.

Will i ever be free? 
Its too painful to say 
But inside me arose 
a power that day

When my daughter was born 
she had eyes that i knew
One day he'd make me chose 
between him or you

You made it so easy
for me on that day
I’d been worrying
and wondering how id get away

But you lay there so tiny
not making a sound
And with that I began 
forming my own solid ground

I started to plan 
and acting so sweet 
Cooking him meals 
and rubbing his feet

6 months later I drove off 
I was finally done
It was finally over
i was finally gone

I thought id be happy 
i thought it’d be fine 
Especially after a few 
glasses of wine

I was not prepared
for the road up ahead
Nor the constant screaming 
of his voice in my head

My bones would vibrate 
a low painful tone
My thoughts were rapid 
never leaving me alone

At the end of the day exhausted and torn
A few drinks numbed the alcoholic was born

2 thoughts on “How it begins ~ by Casaundra Hope

  1. Your poetry is amazing and sad at the same time, but I understand you so much better now.You deserve all the credit in the world.

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