Indoctrined ~ by Casaundra Hope

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4 year old little girl
All dressed up so sweet 
With bows in my hair
And shiny shoes on my feet

She’ll do it all
Watching Indiana Jones 
She dreamed about jungles 
And destinations unknown

She wanted to travel
To see all the sites
Hike mountainside in the day 
Watching stars in the night

She didn’t know
She had limits in life
To only be a pioneer
Or be a mother and wife

Then as she got older 
She started to learn 
beyond serving a man 
Ideas had to be burned

She’s reminded what’s said
In Genesis 2: starting verse 10 
god considers women
Just a helper to men

Be mild and submissive 
how a lady should seem 
They serve men and god 
Foregoing their dreams

Now lets all turn
 to Genesis 19:8
Where Lot offers his own 
daughters up to be raped

Then onward to
1 Corinthians 11: 5
Teaches I should be grateful 
To men I’m alive

Men are the teachers 
Women are not
Get in you place 
Remember your spot

Your ideas are useless
Your thoughts are just dumb 
You nothing but a woman 
Under a man’s thumb

They don't stop at Sundays 
Each day it was taught 
They successfully removed 
Any cognitive thought

I began to conform 
to Biblical recommendation 
I kept myself small
For the indoctrination

Be a good woman 
Tender and sweet 
Serve Jehovah God
A good man I will meet

Don’t get too curious 
Don’t talk too loud
Don’t be a gossip 
Don’t be too proud

Cover your body
Hair modestly done 
Don’t stumble a man 
Like Eve did on day one

Don’t ever question
Always listen to them
They always know best 
since God speaks through men

So came the day
I was found all alone 
With a man who had 
intentions of his own

I didn’t question or tell 
He made me unclean 
It didn’t feel good
As I was only thirteen

I blamed myself
For the force of his hand
I had new breasts
My cleavage stumbled this man

In my mind I had asked 
For this horrible fate 
Because I dressed sexy 
And agreed to the date

I was 13
and him 23
For 30 years I hid
What he’d done to me

My spirit ran in that moment 
And it would leave for some time 
I started to rebel
And act out of line

My parents were flustered 
Didn’t know what to do
My mother started noticing 
The bigger issue

There was more to the story
My eyes used to be bright 
But she saw internally
I was ready to fight

Where it was coming from 
She didn’t know
But a force within her 
Said its time to go

She started rebelling 
Right along with me 
The sexism and bullshit 
We started to see

I stopped looking for 
a man in the congregation
But I still couldn’t shake
All the indoctrination

So when I found him
I was 14, and not strong
He promised to love me 
And help me belong

I didn’t see
His controlling tone
It looked so normal
In this life I had known

A good wife was quiet 
Submissive and sweet 
She’ll make you great meals 
And massage your feet

As much as I fought 
Saying this isn’t me 
I really didn’t know 
Another way to be

I was running on wisdom
I knew was untrue
But I just submitted
Not knowing what else I could do

At age 16
I married this man
Not really knowing
His true long term plan

Abusive, neglectful 
Intimidating and mean
He moved me far away
So the treatment was unseen

But he didn’t know
The feisty girl locked in side 
Didn’t know what would hit him 
When she’d no longer hide

She ripped through those vows 
Tearing them to shreds
She blew up the marriage 
And fucked with his head

She fought and rebelled 
Trying to push him away 
Doing everything she could 
So he wouldn’t stay

But he wouldn’t let go
Of this girl he possessed
He fought back with vengeance 
So again she repressed

But he didn’t know
She had power untapped 
Her mother would fight
A way out she had mapped

You’ll cook and you’ll clean
Don’t slack on one chore
Be pleasant and loving
Smile as he comes through the door

Make him believe
The marriage is something to save 
Tell him you really
Want to learn to behave

When I come to get you 
I will play along
I will swallow my pride 
And for you I’ll be strong

Once the car gets to moving
And he’s in the rear view 
I want you to breath 
trust I’ll protect you

When he gets into town 
Know your job is done
Your step dad will meet him 
At the gate with his gun

He has a few friends
That may join in the fight 
These men may look rough 
But they treat women right

The day he arrived
I heard a loud sound
It was the roar of motorcycles 
Gathering around

And as my ex husband
Pulled up to the gate
I will never forget
The fear on his face

He became more compliant 
After that day
When those kind badass bikers 
Scared him away.

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