Warriors ~ by Casaundra Hope

Black, blue and bleeding 
But no wounds to see
The whole world was fading 
I just want to be free

No one could know
All the pain I’ve endured 
Lets stuff it and numb it 
Feelings? Don’t be absurd!

Now I’m shaking and dizzy 
Always needing a drink 
More broken promises 
Poured down the sink

I was numbing the pain 
of sexual abuse
The yelling and fighting 
Was all an excuse

14 years of this madness 
What has happened to me 
Is this how my life
is supposed to be?

I can never relax and
I can’t stay awake
My body is screaming
How much more can I take?

My daughters are teens 
They’ve depended on me 
Its their lives at stake 
Why can’t I see?

My life was controlled 
By no one I knew
The navigator was fear 
And liquor,That’s who

Why stick around?
My life’s a burden to them 
I started to see me 
Creating an end

Then came a moment
A force, It was calm 
Then it took me over 
and started moving my arm

By body went limp
this force stopped my fight 
I picked up the phone
to call my brother that night

I surrendered to something 
I couldn’t explain
But when it was with me
I was no longer in pain

I wasn’t yet good 
But not all that bad 
I felt a new light 
Hope, I now had

That first month was so awful
Painful and sad
But my kids filled me up
With all the love that they had

That force still remains 
With 8 years sober today 
It was not easy
Once, I almost strayed

The day she informed me 
what her father had done
I wanted to pack up the shovel 
And get me a gun

No daughter should ever 
Have to deliver that punch 
No daughter should ever 
Be a body to touch

The rage filled my bones
All I saw was red
A lunatic quickly
Consumed the thoughts in my head

All the pain was too much 
Pleas stop! Go away! 
Then I heard my sobriety 
Whisper “please pray”

There was no way to escape 
And no where to hide
Fuck you alcoholism
I won’t let you inside

I screamed for this demon 
To just go away
I transmuted the rage
Into power that day

I’ve been here before
In my own youth, it’s true 
So why did I think
I didn’t know what to do?

I went back in time
To my own situation 
What I needed then 
Was love and validation

This pulled us together 
Rather than tear us apart 
As we each spoke our truth 
And we opened our hearts

Together we healed
We all took a stand
No longer would our life 
Be run by that man

That bond still continues 
And my daughters are grown 
They’ve found joy and love 
And have kids of their own

Its not always easy
But we have found a way 
As we remember 
were born on that day

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