Warriors ~ by Casaundra Hope

Black, blue and bleeding 
But no wounds to see
The whole world was fading 
I just want to be free

No one could know
All the pain I’ve endured 
Lets stuff it and numb it 
Feelings? Don’t be absurd!

Now I’m shaking and dizzy 
Always needing a drink 
More broken promises 
Poured down the sink

I was numbing the pain 
of sexual abuse
The yelling and fighting 
Was all an excuse

14 years of this madness 
What has happened to me 
Is this how my life
is supposed to be?

I can never relax and
I can’t stay awake
My body is screaming
How much more can I take?

My daughters are teens 
They’ve depended on me 
Its their lives at stake 
Why can’t I see?

My life was controlled 
By no one I knew
The navigator was fear 
And liquor,That’s who

Why stick around?
My life’s a burden to them 
I started to see me 
Creating an end

Then came a moment
A force, It was calm 
Then it took me over 
and started moving my arm

By body went limp
this force stopped my fight 
I picked up the phone
to call my brother that night

I surrendered to something 
I couldn’t explain
But when it was with me
I was no longer in pain

I wasn’t yet good 
But not all that bad 
I felt a new light 
Hope, I now had

That first month was so awful
Painful and sad
But my kids filled me up
With all the love that they had

That force still remains 
With 8 years sober today 
It was not easy
Once, I almost strayed

The day she informed me 
what her father had done
I wanted to pack up the shovel 
And get me a gun

No daughter should ever 
Have to deliver that punch 
No daughter should ever 
Be a body to touch

The rage filled my bones
All I saw was red
A lunatic quickly
Consumed the thoughts in my head

All the pain was too much 
Pleas stop! Go away! 
Then I heard my sobriety 
Whisper “please pray”

There was no way to escape 
And no where to hide
Fuck you alcoholism
I won’t let you inside

I screamed for this demon 
To just go away
I transmuted the rage
Into power that day

I’ve been here before
In my own youth, it’s true 
So why did I think
I didn’t know what to do?

I went back in time
To my own situation 
What I needed then 
Was love and validation

This pulled us together 
Rather than tear us apart 
As we each spoke our truth 
And we opened our hearts

Together we healed
We all took a stand
No longer would our life 
Be run by that man

That bond still continues 
And my daughters are grown 
They’ve found joy and love 
And have kids of their own

Its not always easy
But we have found a way 
As we remember 
Warriors
were born on that day

Indoctrined ~ by Casaundra Hope

v

4 year old little girl
All dressed up so sweet 
With bows in my hair
And shiny shoes on my feet

She’ll do it all
Watching Indiana Jones 
She dreamed about jungles 
And destinations unknown

She wanted to travel
To see all the sites
Hike mountainside in the day 
Watching stars in the night

She didn’t know
She had limits in life
To only be a pioneer
Or be a mother and wife

Then as she got older 
She started to learn 
beyond serving a man 
Ideas had to be burned

She’s reminded what’s said
In Genesis 2: starting verse 10 
god considers women
Just a helper to men

Be mild and submissive 
how a lady should seem 
They serve men and god 
Foregoing their dreams

Now lets all turn
 to Genesis 19:8
Where Lot offers his own 
daughters up to be raped

Then onward to
1 Corinthians 11: 5
Teaches I should be grateful 
To men I’m alive

Men are the teachers 
Women are not
Get in you place 
Remember your spot

Your ideas are useless
Your thoughts are just dumb 
You nothing but a woman 
Under a man’s thumb

They don't stop at Sundays 
Each day it was taught 
They successfully removed 
Any cognitive thought

I began to conform 
to Biblical recommendation 
I kept myself small
For the indoctrination

Be a good woman 
Tender and sweet 
Serve Jehovah God
A good man I will meet

Don’t get too curious 
Don’t talk too loud
Don’t be a gossip 
Don’t be too proud

Cover your body
Hair modestly done 
Don’t stumble a man 
Like Eve did on day one

Don’t ever question
Always listen to them
They always know best 
since God speaks through men

So came the day
I was found all alone 
With a man who had 
intentions of his own

I didn’t question or tell 
He made me unclean 
It didn’t feel good
As I was only thirteen

I blamed myself
For the force of his hand
I had new breasts
My cleavage stumbled this man

In my mind I had asked 
For this horrible fate 
Because I dressed sexy 
And agreed to the date

I was 13
and him 23
For 30 years I hid
What he’d done to me

My spirit ran in that moment 
And it would leave for some time 
I started to rebel
And act out of line

My parents were flustered 
Didn’t know what to do
My mother started noticing 
The bigger issue

There was more to the story
My eyes used to be bright 
But she saw internally
I was ready to fight

Where it was coming from 
She didn’t know
But a force within her 
Said its time to go

She started rebelling 
Right along with me 
The sexism and bullshit 
We started to see

I stopped looking for 
a man in the congregation
But I still couldn’t shake
All the indoctrination

So when I found him
I was 14, and not strong
He promised to love me 
And help me belong

I didn’t see
His controlling tone
It looked so normal
In this life I had known

A good wife was quiet 
Submissive and sweet 
She’ll make you great meals 
And massage your feet

As much as I fought 
Saying this isn’t me 
I really didn’t know 
Another way to be

I was running on wisdom
I knew was untrue
But I just submitted
Not knowing what else I could do

At age 16
I married this man
Not really knowing
His true long term plan

Abusive, neglectful 
Intimidating and mean
He moved me far away
So the treatment was unseen

But he didn’t know
The feisty girl locked in side 
Didn’t know what would hit him 
When she’d no longer hide

She ripped through those vows 
Tearing them to shreds
She blew up the marriage 
And fucked with his head

She fought and rebelled 
Trying to push him away 
Doing everything she could 
So he wouldn’t stay

But he wouldn’t let go
Of this girl he possessed
He fought back with vengeance 
So again she repressed

But he didn’t know
She had power untapped 
Her mother would fight
A way out she had mapped

You’ll cook and you’ll clean
Don’t slack on one chore
Be pleasant and loving
Smile as he comes through the door

Make him believe
The marriage is something to save 
Tell him you really
Want to learn to behave

When I come to get you 
I will play along
I will swallow my pride 
And for you I’ll be strong

Once the car gets to moving
And he’s in the rear view 
I want you to breath 
trust I’ll protect you

When he gets into town 
Know your job is done
Your step dad will meet him 
At the gate with his gun

He has a few friends
That may join in the fight 
These men may look rough 
But they treat women right

The day he arrived
I heard a loud sound
It was the roar of motorcycles 
Gathering around

And as my ex husband
Pulled up to the gate
I will never forget
The fear on his face

He became more compliant 
After that day
When those kind badass bikers 
Scared him away.

How it begins ~ by Casaundra Hope

I was 19 years old 
with 2 kids in tow 
My eyes full of tears 
knowing I had to go

He’d shove me and push me 
careful not to bruise
Held me down for his needs 
like a doll to be used

“Where will you go?”
He’d scream
knowing i was trapped
I wasn't allowed to hold money 
so my sources were capped

Barefoot and pregnant 
is all that you’ll be
A sorry piece of shit 
meant to serve only me

Now clean up the house 
and make me a meal 
Keep going on
and try not to feel

I want a divorce
I’d say voice cracking
Go on, try to leave me 
go on, get to packing

You’ll never survive
you’ll live in a van
Cause a woman can't live 
without a man

Who’ll watch the kids
as you make five bucks to my ten 
They will eat up your paycheck 
you’ll come running back then

Im already pregnant
with kid number three
This one will come to give me 
a strength that I’ll need

When she’s born I will get 
my tubes tied that same day 
I wont give him another chance 
to force me to stay

Your too young says the doc
you have to be 21
Remember,
this procedure can not be undone.

Will i ever be free? 
Its too painful to say 
But inside me arose 
a power that day

When my daughter was born 
she had eyes that i knew
One day he'd make me chose 
between him or you

You made it so easy
for me on that day
I’d been worrying
and wondering how id get away

But you lay there so tiny
not making a sound
And with that I began 
forming my own solid ground

I started to plan 
and acting so sweet 
Cooking him meals 
and rubbing his feet

6 months later I drove off 
I was finally done
It was finally over
i was finally gone

I thought id be happy 
i thought it’d be fine 
Especially after a few 
glasses of wine

I was not prepared
for the road up ahead
Nor the constant screaming 
of his voice in my head

My bones would vibrate 
a low painful tone
My thoughts were rapid 
never leaving me alone

At the end of the day exhausted and torn
A few drinks numbed the pain...an alcoholic was born

What is a “Trigger”?

We all experience anger, sadness, fear, and other negative feelings; however, these emotions can be a result of proportionate and logical reasons. When these emotions feel like they originated from almost nowhere or are more powerful than their cause allows, this might be due to an emotional trigger. Mental health triggers depend on one’s personal experiences; therefore, there is an infinite list of things that trigger people. This article is meant to help you understand if you might have emotional triggers and, if so, how to deal with them. 

Emotional triggers can be smells, sounds, people, objects, or memories that provoke extreme undesired feelings. This change in feelings can be sudden; in other cases, it will be more intense than the trigger would normally warrant. Emotional triggers can often be accompanied by : 

  • Anger
  • Nausea
  • Dizziness
  • Rapid heart rate
  • Shaking
  • Chest pain
  • Extreme sadness
  • And many more

Based on the symptoms the person experiences, they might have various types of emotional triggers. Emotional triggers include: 

  • Anxiety triggers: this type is mostly associated with stress and panic. They include nervousness and anxiety that feels like it comes from nowhere and is cored in the trigger.
  • Trauma triggers: this type is frequently caused by PTSD stress. For many individuals, they might subconsciously or consciously stay away from places, people, situations, or things that could trigger them. 
  • Anger triggers: there are times when you might find yourself irrational upset about something or a situation. This is a vital indication of an anger trigger, and it takes a lot to control this type of emotional trigger.

Identifying emotional triggers

This process takes a significant amount of time and soul searching. However, there are steps one can implement to make it easier to identify emotional triggers in life. Additionally, you may have many emotional triggers, but despite this, the important thing is identifying the trigger. 

Managing emotional triggers

Realizing what triggers you psychologically is only the first step; escaping or avoiding trigger situations might be tricky. The following are a few strategies on how to go about your life while managing your emotional triggers:

  • Accept your emotions: since emotions are part of human existence, they can provoke your triggers, and that is okay. Remember to be gentle with yourself and avoid comparing your past experiences in life with your present. The past might have been wounded; as you keep healing, remember that the scars are a reminder that you are more powerful than whatever tried to hurt you.
  • Give yourself some space. The emotional trigger might be overwhelming. Therefore you can always take a step back for some space. It is always okay to take or ask for a break to prevent a negative emotional bomb. When alone, try taking deep breaths and relaxing because your objective is to clear your mind and gain control of your emotions to handle the trigger more effectively. 
  • Open-mindedness: being human at times means our triggers become our masters. If you feel like everyone around you is intentionally making you feel bad, you might have to rethink that. Since they are also humans, they might feel triggered and not be aware. Therefore, being open-minded helps you be more empathetic, avoid being judgemental, and try considering people’s emotions.
  • Practice more positive actions: often, when we experience strong negative emotions, we express them negatively. Suppose you feel lonely and perhaps feel like locking yourself in a room to starve or stress eating; you can try being more positive. Rather than this form of isolation, you can try talking to your friends or family and engage in activities that will stimulate more positive feelings. 
  • Communication: if all the above is ineffective in managing your emotional triggers, it might be time to open up. Talking to the provoked person to prevent the repetition of such a situation is a good step. Express your emotions in a way that does not harm anyone. Then check in with yourself in a composed and calm manner while communicating your feelings.  

Dealing with emotional triggers

The above strategies might not be long-term in managing your emotional triggers. You can meet triggers anywhere at any time, and band-aid solutions might be ineffective. The following are several long-term tips you can implement to deal with emotional triggers: 

  • Being mindful: being psychologically prepared will help you be in connection with your feelings; therefore, you can understand your triggers and manage them accordingly. Self-regulation is a crucial skill to master from a young age until adulthood. Yoga and mediation can be effective. 
  • Be aware of toxic relationships. When a relationship lacks mutual consideration, respect, and understanding is a toxic relationship. You might have people in your life who constantly annoy you regardless of asking them to stop kindly. It would be best to learn how to deal with such people; pausing the relationship may be needed. For your peace of mind, nothing be compromised. 
  • Journal: for some people, journaling feels like work; however, writing down how you feel is therapeutic and can help you notice patterns. Journaling vital information will guide you to avoid or cope with triggers. 
  • Professional help: self-regulation is not the easiest of skills to master. Triggers can be deeply rooted in your demeanor and might be recognized. Seeking professional therapy might help you identify such triggers. In therapy, you can express yourself freely without fear of being judged. Therefore you can manage your feelings better. In therapy, you will be offered guidance and support while in the healing journey. You could be healing from: 
    • Rejection
    • Insecurities
    • Loss of control
    • Engaged beliefs
    • Unfair treatment
    • Loss of independence
    • And many more

Conclusion

The bottom line is that learning to know and cope with your emotional triggers is not a day’s job. This might take a while, but constant efforts will pay off significantly for you as a person and in relationships. Unpleasant situations can trigger negative reactions in anyone; however, we can healthily manage triggers and navigate tension easily. 

Sol Y Luna Festival

Tantric Shamanic Festival: Sol Y Luna

In these difficult times, you might have a yearning to connect with yourself or your partner on a deeper level. So, are you ready to explore this longing to understand your body or your partner’s emotional and physical intimacy?

You have probably heard of or attended numerous Tantric festivals, but have you attended the Sol Y Luna tantric Shamanic Festival? If you haven’t, this is an opportunity to see what mind and body transformations will be happening in April 2023 during Sol Y Luna. There will be the best facilitators (including ME!) ready and willing to offer you the most authentic, spiritually elevating mind and body healing experience. The following are among the activities you can expect from the Tantric Shamanic Festival: Sol Y Luna. 

solylunafestival.com 10% Discount code CASAUNDRA10

Retreat Experience with a Festival Vibe

The flow of experiences and activities are well thought out to create an alchemical and integrative journey where integration and embodiment of what has been experienced is our focus. We are inclusive to all polarities, including:

  • Masculine and Feminine
  • Dominant and Submissive
  • Lite and Dark
  • Yin and Yang
  • Expansion and Contraction
  • Birth and Death

Multiple tantra teachers

The tantric shamanic festival, Sol Y Luna, has been organized by well-experienced tantra teachers, alchemists, shamans, entertainers and leaders whose sole purpose is to ensure you have the transformative experience you desire. All of us are completely focused on ensuring you go back home as a changed individual, spiritually lifted, and reaching the dimensions in your soul you never thought possible. Attending the Sol Y Luna is a special way of enjoying unique and different teaching techniques and understanding various approaches to tantra, shamanism and shadow work.

New experiences

Every tantra workshop and festival is special in its own unique way; therefore, at Sol Y Luna tantric shamanic festival, expect to understand, feel, and see new things. The possibilities are truly infinite as you will experience love among your new brothers and sisters, sensual workshops opening your lower chakras, expansive workshops designed for enlightenment and spiritual awakenings, you name it. There are endless possibilities to these experiences.

Ecstatic Dance and music

One thing we can all agree on about music and dance is that they have a way of capturing our bodies, mind, and soul. The ecstatic dance you will experience in Sol Y Luna is nothing ordinary, and this could be dance where one person with more masculine energy will lead. The one with more feminine energy will follow the lead. Note that masculine and feminine are energies and have nothing to do with gender; therefore, either a man or woman can have any role. Music and dance are a great way to help you let go of your worries, stress, and anxieties in life, and it creates a safe space for you to socialize with others, learn and share your experience. You will have the chance to create invaluable memories with strangers, thus learning one of Tantra’s principles: everything in the universe has the same energy. So lets move our universal energy in dance!!

Healing activities

One of the most significant elements of a tantra festival is spiritual healing, which is among the major reasons individuals attend them. Sol Y Luna will focus on ensuring you experience authentic spiritual healing, helping you open up to like-minded individuals, sound baths, intentional touch, dancing like no one’s watching, eating amazing food, and vibing to great music can help in healing your divine. 

A powerful energy 

One unarguable feeling you can be certain to feel as soon as you attend the Tantric Shamanic Festival, Sol Y Luna, is a dynamic energy grounding with heart expansion. Tantra is significantly based on energies; therefore, expect nothing less when you attend the Sol Y Luna tantra festival led by the best and most highly skilled tantric shamanic teachers. If I were to describe that feeling, it feels like being wrapped up in a duvet of positive energy. This is when you can freely be yourself and dive into anything you want in the tantra festival. 

Freedom

Imagine a place where you can do anything you want, anything at all, with consent, of course. Somewhere that values your freedom of mind, too, this is among the experiences you can expect from the Sol Y Luna tantra festival. There are several basic rules to create a container of safety for everyone, but you can be yourself without apologies. Finally, a chance to let loose of all the bottled-up energy and the freedom to let your mind, body, and soul be in a symphony, feeling the music of your energy from inside out, is what being in sync with your higher self feels like. 

The above are only a few of the amazing experiences you can expect from Sol Y Luna. Others include great performances, light and dark temple nights,  cuddle party, just to mention a few. Come and experience the great tantra shamanic festival, whose sole aim is to guide you in all matters, including sexuality, yoga, sensuality, kundalini, divine art of touch, self-touch, and many more. I will be a facilitator at the upcomingTantric Shamanic Festival: Sol Y Luna in April 2023. I have a 10% discount code for tickets; the code is CASAUNDRA10; let us talk, and I’ll see you there.

The Festival website is solylunafestival.com discount code CASAUNDRA10